…and not with an insightful dispatch from the baja peninsula–nope, that would be too easy (but may come later). Per the Huffington Post, enjoy LA’s favorite overly sentimental sports columnist Bill Plaschke “bridging the cultural divide” by eating penis. Let the sophomoric jokes ensue across the blogosphere. Plaschke can handle it because when “when you eat penis you feel like you can take on anything.” But the journalists, the Chicago Tribune’s Kevin Pang was also taste testing, hit a speed bump when dog penis is prepared for them. Really? I can’t begin to think of the justification for sheep’s penis but not wild dog. Plaschke doesn’t condemn Chinese for eating wild dog but stops b/c he can’t eat a pet…I will wait for the article.
For a better quality video see click on the Huffigton post link above.
To be fair, Plaschke ain’t this writer’s cup of tea. He is overly sentimental and is prone to hyperbole and hypocrisy. But he is a good writer and kudos to him for trying penis.
Currently working on some other projects before I go south of the border next week. daily posts to be resumed at a date TBD. In the meantime I will keep posts somewhat up to date so keep checking back. If you have a problem with this ask world-renown author Haruki Murakami.
If my boyfriend is tired and has a few drinks, he’ll urinate in the middle of the night. He sleepwalks to my kitchen, front door, or closet and does his business. This is not the first, second, or even ninth time he’s done it. If I try to wake him up, it’s like I’m talking to a zombie— he’s completely incoherent and impossible to deal with. When I tell him the next morning what he’s done, he’s always extremely apologetic and swears he has no recollection of it. But tonight it happened again! He ruined a pair of black ballet flats I adore! He needs to stop, but I don’t even know where to begin.—No Longer Amused
Dear No Longer Amused,
Your heart is like a great river after a long spell of rain, full to the banks. All signposts that once stood on the ground are gone, inundated and carried away by that rush of water. And still the rain beats down on the surface of the river. Every time you see a flood like that on the news you tell yourself: That’s it. That’s my heart.
Tom appeared on the sidewalk with a bucket of white wash and a long-handled brush. He surveyed the fence and all the gladness left him and deep melancholy settled down on his spirit. Thirty yards of board fence nine feet high. Life to him seemed hollow, and existence, but a burden. Sighing he dipped his brush and passed it along the topmost plank; repeated the operation; did it again; compared the insignificant whitewashed streak with the far-reaching continent of unwhitewashed fence, and sat down on a tree-box discouraged.
We are not going to hear the end of this one for awhile. Former drug addict puts on show in Home Run Derby hitting twenty eightballs twenty-eight long balls in the first round. Stupid drug jokes about someone’s awful past aside, that was impressive, moving (did he really have to bring his 71 year-old American Legion coach to pitch to him or did he just do that to help the audience rid their conscience of the Three Doors Down performance?) and inspiring. I remember when the Reds picked him in a Rule V draft a few years back, many said his chance of becoming an everyday player were slim to say the least. So yeah he’s talented…as Joe Morgan told the audience three-hundred times: that it takes talent to sit out of baseball for three years (Hamilton did not play baseball while trying to recover) and still hit a baseball at the major league baseball level and do it well (sentence written in the style as if Joe Morgan said it). I thought Rick Ankiel’s story was impressive, as Matt Sussman over at Deadspin notes it actually pales in comparison:
Because already his story dwarfs Rick Ankiel’s comeback. (“Oh, you came back from … sucking at pitching? Well, congratu-fucking-lations, I don’t remember most of 2005.”)
Too bad the news cycle will beat this horse till it’s dead.
How come no one has ever told me about this video? This is apparently old enough that David Cross has parodied it several times but any chance you can get spread the word about world peace corporate takeovers you should. Start your Monday with a reminder of how creative and cheese dick corporate America can be.
Do you like the Cowboys or your university?
Do you like the Yankees or is Nascar more your speed?
Well its your choice, you’re right
To pick a card that shows your heart and your pride
We’re one with affinity and we will carry each other
It isn’t dry but it certainly isn’t quenching anyone’s thirst. Will end it with that abstract. No funny video or article to tide you over for the next two days, just an overdue excerpt. Maybe you can apply it to Bastille day.
It is an odd holiday, to be sure — one a man or woman could easily grow abstracted about, its practical importance to the task of holding back wild and dark misrule never altogether clear or provable; as though independence were only private and too crucial to celebrate with others; as though we should all just get on with being independent, given that it is after all the normal, commonsensical human condition, to be taken for granted unless opposed or thwarted, in which case unreserved, even absurd measures should be taken to restore or reimagine it. … Best maybe just to pass the day as the original signers did and as I prefer to do, in a country-like setting near to home, alone with your thoughts, your fears, your hopes, your “moments of reason” for what new world lies fearsomely ahead.
— Richard Ford, “Independence Day
Will try for a few “moments of reason” this weekend, which like the passage itself, will most likely be overdue (as the good ones always are).
